


5 Times Garce Was Fucked (metaphorically and literally)

by NotThatSavvy



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Hotdaga
Genre: Blackmail, M/M, casual joblet hate just kinda thrown in there, plupples have tentacle dicks it’s canon now sorry guys, smeech canonically fucks don’t get mad at me, smeech is a badboy and garce is easily flustered, smeech is a fuckmachine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 03:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotThatSavvy/pseuds/NotThatSavvy
Summary: Garce has lived a weird life. His mom died when he was a kid, his dad became obsessed with revenge and decided to brainwash an egg at the behest of the mysterious Dark Master, and now he has to dress up like an alien to blend in with the idiotic blue residents of Tomat-0. He's had to deal with a lot, but life is about to get a lot stranger when a mysterious plupple comes into his life and fucks everything up in more ways than one.





	5 Times Garce Was Fucked (metaphorically and literally)

No matter who you are, everyone wears a mask of some sort. It’s hard not to. Society is judgmental and it’s easy to hide parts of yourself that aren’t pleasant in order to fit more closely into the mainstream, to look like those around you.

It just so happened that the mask Garce wore was a little bit more literal. Greasy body paint covered his skin, catlike contact lenses shone over his eyes, and bright green hair dye made him blend in with the crowds of Tomat-0, even if he was incredibly uncomfortable doing it. The work put into maintaining the disguise was tedious and time consuming, but his dad was the one that wanted to dress up as aliens and take over the planet by brainwashing its leader, so he couldn’t really change anything about it.

Joblet had some sort of revenge plot, a plan he’d forged with the Dark Master’s help, and as much as Garce hated the scheme, his dad was the only family he really had left after mum died. So he went along with it.

The last few months had been incredibly distant though. Not that he and his father were close, but the obsession with destroying Goondis was all he seemed to care about. More and more often, insults would be hurled at Garce. He’d be called lazy for lounging about, or told that his eyebrows were weak. Sometimes, when Joblet was especially agitated, stuff would be said that couldn’t really be taken back.

“I wish you’d’ve been on that ship instead.” The older peach had grumbled to himself once while groggy, and when Garce heard it, it seemed to drive deeper the fact that despite everything, Garce might never be accepted by his father.

Not having anyone to talk to wasn’t helping. He was far away from Earth (not that he had many friends there anyways) and the residents of Tomat-0 were stupid and explosive, mostly yelling nonsense phrases or saying idiotic things, only to blow up in a spray of goo and intestines a moment after. It...wasn’t a fun sight, and it happened way too regularly for his comfort. So during the day, irritated with his dad and tired of watching people and plupples die, he preferred to stay on the surface of the planet, as far away from everything else as possible.

Leaning against the purple leaves of the native foliage, enjoying the warm, alien sun, he almost didn’t notice the sound of footsteps slowly approaching him. Garce opened his eyes, turning to find the source of the noise, and was surprised when he found a plupple standing a few feet away, watching him intently.

The wide, catlike eyes of the alien being had a curious nature to them as he looked Garce up and down, almost studying him. Of course, plupples weren’t intelligent so there was no way that he was, but nevertheless, the stare began to make Garce a bit uncomfortable, and eventually, he cleared his throat and smiled, waving at the smaller figure. “Uh... Hey there, little plupple. The name’s Garce, I’m just like you.”

That just seemed to further the plupple’s curiousity.

Garce looked around awkwardly. “I’m uh...a bit busy, so like, you can leave if you want to. Go back to see my papa or uh...the doctor or something.”

“You look pretty sad.” The plupple said suddenly, tilting his head to the side, and Garce almost had a heart attack from the unexpected sound of the other creature’s voice. He stared at the figure in shock, wondering if all plupples could talk. Most of the ones he’d come across just repeated what he said or cheered nonsense phrases over and over again. Was this one just different? Or was it possible that he was wrong about the blue aliens? Before he could think about it any further though, the plupple walked over and leaned next to him on the purple foliage.

“I’m Smeech!” He introduced himself, and Garce couldn’t help but smile a bit at how cute the other sounded. Smeech had a bit of a high pitched voice, and from the striped blue and green sweater to the freckles on his cerulean skin, everything about the plupple seemed innocent and naive. His wide eyes sparkled with curiousity, and Garce immediately found himself relaxing in the other’s presence.

“Nice to meet you, Smeech. And uh...don’t worry about me, I’m not really sad. Thanks for checking up on me though, I appreciate it-“

“Yes you are.” Smeech responded almost immediately, and just as quickly as he had relaxed before, Garce froze. The bright green eyes that seemed so pure before were now narrowed, a sly grin was stretched across Smeech’s face, and a hand was pushing back unkept curly hair in a way that definitely wasn’t innocent or naive. The grin on the alien’s face widened as he spoke. “I know because you aren’t a plupple.”

Garce blinked, and then he checked his hands, making sure they were still covered in blue paint. Strangely enough, they were, and although he couldn’t see his own face, he was sure he’d covered it well. “Uh...I don’t know what you’re talking about...” Garce said after a long time, a bit of nervousness in his voice. “I’m a plupple, just like you. Plupples can’t lie.”

Smeech laughed, a deep chuckle that matched the intensity in his eyes. “Well, somehow you can then. Trust me, Garce, no one’s like me. No one.”

And in that moment, seeing how quickly the plupple had changed, Garce believed him. Just looking at the figure in front of him made him second guess everything he knew about the creatures, and so he gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes, glaring at the seemingly unbothered alien. “Yeah, uh, okay. You got me. Now, what exactly do you want?”

Smeech frowned, and his bright eyes looked at Garce, back to that innocent naiveness. “I really was worried about you! I could tell that you seemed upset, and I just figured I could help with that. I don’t like seeing people sad.”

Yeah, right.... Garce didn’t exactly know what the shorter figure was planning, but he definitely knew it wouldn’t be good. Although he sounded earnest, there was something far from pure behind those eyes and he didn’t exactly want to find out what it was. “Well, you can’t help here. So just, you know, go away, dude. My dad controls this place, so even if you tell people I’m not a plupple, no one’s gonna believe you over him.”

“Does your dad really control this place?” Smeech asked, his expression dark, and Garce didn’t know what to say in response. Who the hell was this plupple?? Smeech smiled again, his face cheerful, and then he laughed. “I know you won that contest a while back. Just give me some plupple bucks and I’ll keep quiet!”

“You’re...blackmailing me for money.” Garce said slowly, and Smeech simply nodded.

“Yep! Although...my offer for helping you out is unrelated to the blackmail.” An arm snaked around Garce’s waist and Garce was suddenly aware of just how close Smeech had gotten to him. The plupple was right next to him, their sides pressed together, and as the smirk on Smeech’s face grew, those deep green eyes met Garce’s asking a silent question...

A question Garce absolutely didn’t know the answer to. “Uh....look, uh...Smeech? I’m not sure what your deal is, but don’t you have anything better to do than uh...propositioning....things........to people on the streets...?” Garce asked nervously. He could feel his face warming up and hoped that the pink blush wasn’t showing through his facepaint (not that he had to worry about that anymore when this creature already seemed to know everything about him...).

Smeech giggled in response to the question, looking amused. “Propositioning things?? Just say sex, you fucking virgin.”

Okay, that was it. Blackmail or not, Garce wasn’t gonna deal with this. He easily pushed the smaller figure off of him and walked away, leaving the blue-skinned alien to stare after him in surprise.

“W-wait!! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like...it’s not a bad thing! It’s cute! Fuck...” Smeech frowned, watching the not-plupple walk away and disappear into the foliage of the planet.

Garce was breathing a bit heavily as he walked away, his mind full of questions. What the fuck was that weird little plupple? Why did it want to fuck him??? And goddamnit why was he sorta turned on by the thought of a one-off fling in the woods of an alien planet with an alien from said alien planet????

He felt like he was going crazier than Goondis because the further he walked away, the more his thoughts kept returning to the situation and the more he started to think about going back. He didn’t know anyone on this stupid planet, he didn’t have any friends or people to talk to and he definitely didn’t have anyone to...you know... Garce felt pretty lonely and honestly, would having sex with a weird blue dude through blackmail help at all? Probably not, but for some reason he found himself turning around and walking towards that clearing again.

Smeech was leaning up against that tree where Garce had left him, a hand pushing back his messy green hair as he looked up to the sky. He had an unreadable expression on his face, but it changed to confusion when he looked over, hear footsteps coming back and seeing Garce standing a few feet away literally a few seconds after he’d left.

The plupple frowned. “Hey, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to overstep bounds or anything. I do a lot of fucking, but I’m all about consent so it’s fine if you-“

Garce shook his head. “I uh...no, let’s go for it. I mean, it wouldn’t...hurt to uh...do it with you once at least. You know, just to...try it.”

God, what was he doing? He felt like an idiot, all flustered and nervous and the smug expression on the other’s face just made it worse. The plupple was watching Garce, all nervous fidgets and anxiety, and smiling wide. “So....you changed your mind about the sex?”

“Shut up, let’s just do it, alright?” Garce snapped, and Smeech laughed, quick to oblige.

In a few moments, the taller figure was pressed down against the floor, his hoodie half-off, his facepaint smeared and Smeech on top of him, straddling his waist. The plupple definitely wasn’t lying when he said he’d done a lot of fucking. He was a clear expert at the act, grinding against Garce in just the right way, causing breathless moans to escape from the other with every movement, peppering bruises and bite marks across his skin and pinning him against the ground. Garce was a wreck already, shuddering from every touch, but Smeech was absolutely, frustratingly, calm, his green eyes cold and cocky and that smirk still stuck on his face, growing every time Garce made some embarrassing sound underneath him.

Nothing had even happened yet, just grinding and glorified making out but god, Smeech was so good and Garce could feel himself getting close already. Or at least...he was before the smaller figure stood up, leaving him tired and sprawled out on the ground. Smeech giggled a bit at the sight, those cat-like eyes looking Garce over and a hand running through his unkempt hair. “Wow, you really are a virgin. You’re a total mess right now and I haven’t even done anything.”

If it wasn’t for the expression on his face, Garce would’ve argued that Smeech was a mess as well. He was covered in more blue than usual, dark splotches of the oily facepaint around his mouth and hands, smeared all over his clothes and his hair. His sweater was starting to come off and his hair was more tangled than it was when Garce had first seen him, but those eyes were still collected, looking calmly down at him with an insufferable arrogance. “Don’t worry, I’ll go more slowly if you need me to.”

Garce was about to retort that he didn’t need to take it slow, but Smeech’s lips were on his again and uh...he definitely didn’t expect that. From the way Smeech had been acting, he thought this would all be impersonal and rough, but all of a sudden, it was deep and passionate and just...damn. Garce found himself leaning into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Smeech and pulling him closer. Smeech pulled away after a bit, his eyes lidded, strands of hair falling around his face, silhouetted by the alien sun behind him and god, it might be the horniness, but Garce fell instantly in love.

“I don’t wanna go too fast since this is your first time and all, but I also don’t want you to just cum here before we start anything.” Smeech said suddenly, his voice soft and contemplative. He looked up at Garce, emerald eyes shining in the light. “I’m usually one for a bit of foreplay, but do you mind if I just go ahead and fuck you now?”

“Uh...y-yeah, go for it, dude.” Garce croaked, not really sure what else to say, and Smeech smiled, reaching down with one hand and expertly unbuttoning his pants. The taller figure’s jeans were pulled off, then his boxers, and then Smeech was over him again, their lips connecting as something was pushed against Garce’s entrance. Something....unexpected.

That was when Garce remembered that Smeech was an alien. “W-wait, hold up!!!” Garce yelled, but it was too late. Smeech had already thrust deep inside him and...honestly he had no idea what to expect. He thought it would hurt more with no lube or anything, but he definitely wasn’t expecting to feel something slimy....maybe multiple something slimies moving around down there.

“Wh-what!? What’s wrong?” Smeech asked, the confident persona dropping for a moment as he started to pull out, but Garce grabbed onto Smeech, wrapping his arms around the plupple before he could leave.

“O-okay, dude, don’t stop because that feels....weirdly nice, but what the fuck is going on down there.”

Smeech blinked, just staring at the other in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I just...uh...” Garce held back a moan, feeling whatever it was writhe inside of him again. “Are those fucking tentacles or something???”

“Y-yeah?” Smeech seemed even more perplexed by the question, but then his hand brushed up against Garce’s dick and he jumped, the tentacles retracting a bit. “Okay, what the fuck is that?? Is it...why is it fleshy??? Why does it look like that????? There’s no slime...where does it go??”

“I don’t know, I’m not a dick expert!” Garce yelled, frustrated, putting his face in his hands. This was absolutely not how he expected all this to go, but he also didn’t really think about this at all so...he supposed that was his fault. Just because Smeech looked fairly humanoid didn’t mean he was actually human and there were definitely gonna be anatomical differences.

It was then that he looked up and saw Smeech’s expression was far from the calm and collected badboy he had assumed the plupple was. In that moment he looked unsure, worried about what to do next. From everything he’d seen in the way the alien acted before, Smeech always seemed to be the one in control, the one that knew what he was doing. Having that control suddenly put into question left the plupple apprehensive and anxious, worried about what to do next.

Garce...wasn’t the best at comforting people, but after a moment of hesitation, he put a hand on Smeech’s face. The plupple looked down at him, confused, and Garce attempted a reassuring smile. “Hey, dude, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. Consent goes both ways.”

Smeech looked at him for a while, those wide green eyes sparkling in the sun, then his eyes narrowed and he scoffed, turning away. “God, the tables have turned, haven’t they...? Now I feel like the dumb virgin.” Smeech grumbled. He ran a hand through his hair again, pushing it out of his face with a sigh. “Yeah, okay. I...I might need to figure some shit out.”

Garce expected it from the look on the other’s face, but he still couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed when Smeech stood and the strange feeling of the tentacles slid out of him. Even though this whole situation was...odd, he was hoping it might continue. Smeech took off his sweater, using the already stained fabric to wipe the rest of the facepaint off his face and god, he was ripped under there too, damnit. The plupple looked down at Garce, still half naked and sprawled on the ground, and smirked. “Just so you know, Garce, this isn’t over. Soon enough I’m going to fuck your brains out until you can’t even walk. Every one of your fantasies, whatever you’re into, I’m gonna give you whatever you want and more.”

“I mean...you already sorta did.” Garce responded, and Smeech stared at him for a while, shocked.

“God, you’re such a fucking virgin.” He finally laughed, putting his face in his hands. “That was...nothing, but okay, I guess?” Smeech pulled the stained sweater back on, fixing his hair yet again (was that just his thing?) and smiled, those cat-like eyes looking the other over. “I had fun there, Garce. See you sometime later. And uh...thanks, I guess.”

And then Smeech was gone, walking back through the forests of Tomat-0, back towards the entrance to the underground caves. Garce pulled his pants back on and straightened his hoodie, still feeling a little disappointed, but hopeful for whenever this “next time” was gonna be. It wasn’t until he was dressed though that he realized...

How the hell was he gonna get back covered in bruises with his facepaint half-rubbed off without anyone asking him any questions???


End file.
